SPORTS · Filed by the Upper Gallery, who saw everything

Tomas Renn attempted to declare lunges a protected academic discipline. The committee declined, but admired the calf definition.

The Dueling Club’s open ladder began with Tomas Renn explaining that proper stance is the difference between greatness and whatever the rest of us are doing with our knees. Three minutes later, Kael Varyn interrupted with a pressure line so enthusiastic it had to be asked to sign the attendance sheet.

Observers report that both duelists performed impressively, although neither managed to defeat the ancient academy tradition of pretending a warm-up was not secretly the whole emotional thesis. Pip Sallows lost twice, learned four things, and was therefore the only person present showing suspicious signs of growth.